I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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