If i come over, it means nothing
you win again, gameday.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
