I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
