No stitches, just platelets and will power
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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