Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
