Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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