Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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