the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
