what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Are we still banned from the library?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
