I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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