a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
