Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
