her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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