i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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