I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
