Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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