two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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