Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
