She said her name was "party"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
