I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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