we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
