I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
