the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
