I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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