One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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