There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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