can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I smell like Dick and happiness
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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