she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
