An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
