so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
