Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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