question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
