I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
