this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
