oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
