it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
