maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
