Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
be right there i have to get my cape
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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