obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
