i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
