i was born a porn star she said
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
