I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
