I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
