But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
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the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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