You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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