summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
