Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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