i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
