Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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