I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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