My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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