So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
