We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
