He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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