I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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