Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
