I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it hurts more in the daytime
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
