I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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