I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
