I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
