i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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