I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
