He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
