Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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