Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
