how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my shit smells like andre
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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