Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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