It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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